I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
