There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
