So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
