She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
