Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
