Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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