And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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