Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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