Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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