His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
