I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
