if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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