well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
