my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
