I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
