i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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