Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
