You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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