Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
