i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
