also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
