Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
