shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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