mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
