I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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