dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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