Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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