PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
