i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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