I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize