The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
