My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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