She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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