Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
