I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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