hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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