Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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