This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
