I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
