I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
