Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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