I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
