some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
