I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
