Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i barfeds in our rink
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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