I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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