Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
