umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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