God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
