it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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