Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
