I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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