Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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