If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
accomplished twins. life is a go
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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