my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
