So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They took my balls.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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