i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
