so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
