She is in my trunk
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
