oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
