shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize