I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I had to cum in my sink.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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