There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
