so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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